The Dance of I'm Not Sleeping

The tiniest child in our house, at six weeks of age, has done an impressive job of learning the Dance of I'm Not Sleeping, including all appropriate hand motions, facial expressions, and shifts in voice. She has even mastered the art of the incredible Whimpering Yowl, which has a shock factor of x100 and also utilizes a 2 second Full Heart Stop on its victims. There is, unfortunately, no cure nor any immunity available in this or any other of a multitude of lifetimes.

In her honor, I have invented a little song. It sounds like "Are You Sleeping, Brother John?" or "Freres Jacques" but the words have been altered in the general delirium:

I'm Not Sleeping
I'm Not Sleeping
No Way Mom!
No Way Mom!
You can't make me do it
Even if you use this
Silly Song
Silly Song

There are several variations, all along this same theme. It has absolutely no distractive effect or entertainment value whatsoever to the child in question, but yodeling it around her head while her great howling sets off ringtones against my eardrums certainly helps me to pass the time.

I know this is all being done to avoid the pounce of Mr Sleep Monster, though I couldn't say why. It is something all children have in common - and I go to great lengths to avoid the shadowy capture of his dark and distant breath myself...

The Dance of I'm Not Sleeping, as presented by Babies The World Over Dance Troupe:

Opening trill of Nagging Doubt, liberally segued and applied to Parenting Skills; followed by the Body Jump and Forehead Dive, using adult facial features as targets. Scream of the Angry Baby is used as percussion and melodic theme throughout, creating a resonating feedback whine within the ears of all listeners. Quite effective. Next introduced is the Whimpering Yowl, activated at third intervals so as to not render the listener unconscious in a dead faint, which could prove horribly dangerous to the performer. I Refuse To Be Distracted is hammered in to the audience psyche while I Will Claw Your Eyes Out If You Do Not Save Me From This Misery is scratched into any reachable epithelial layers. This is closely followed by several stanzas of Ha Ha I Fooled You in direct counterpoint to Put Me Down No Pick Me Up, played over and over again until at last we reach the crescendo of The Final Movement: I Have Fallen Asleep With My Eyes Open So There, with a tiny coda of It Will Be Time For Me To Eat Again In 15 Minutes, So Have The Bottle Ready, You Mad Fool...

IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL MOM LOSES A BRAIN CELL.